"THE DETAILS ARE NOT THE DETAILS. THEY MAKE THE DESIGN." — CHARLES EAMES
Happy Tuesday, m' dears! If I'm being completely honest, I should have seen this coming. I'm talking about the pity party I threw last Saturday afternoon. Yep, I was struggling BIG time! I'm not proud of my mini melodramatic meltdown, but I definitely did not set myself up for success either. You see, I'd looked forward to getting my hair colored all week. It was, after all, going to be the highlight of the weekend. The BIG to-do!!! But by the time I returned home from my appointment at noon on Saturday, I realized the fun was over and panic set in. From time to time, living in this desolate location starts to wear on me. Pair a variable like that with our FIRST weekend of Whole30 (no sweet treats, eating out, cocktails, etc.) and you have a recipe for disaster. There's not much to do around here and when most of your days are spent mothering, it all starts to blend together in a hazy fog. I often find myself wondering what exactly sets the weekend apart from the actual week (with the exception of having Flyboy all to ourself) and I get a little anxious when Friday rolls around. I start out with the best intentions to make the most of our family's time together, but I long to make memories OUTSIDE of our house and the routine trip to Home Depot. I look for creative ways to keep things fresh, but the monotony slowly starts to suck the life out of me and the idea of spending 1.5 to 2 more years here feels daunting and depressing.
Whenever I have moments like these, it's important for me to communicate. I was raised to be grateful for my blessings and make the best of any situation, but admitting that I'm frustrated is only human and necessary. I sometimes feel guilty for harboring such feelings, but then I remember that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Hmmm, I think that one hits a little too close to home in Swell Rio! Ha Ha! Because I'm a doer and I like to take action, it's crucial that I remain proactive about upcoming opportunities to get outta Dodge. I'd say it's time we plan a few weekend road trips, shall we?! In addition to airing my grievances and whipping out my planner, I've found it's imperative I take time to be creative. For example, Saturday's pity party came to a screeching halt when I dusted off my DSLR and we headed outside to a nearby park. As hokey as it sounds, seeing Flyboy and Max through my camera lens helped me refocus. A little fresh air and perspective can change a lot.
Over the last month, my grandpa's health hasn't been the best and it's only worsened in the past week. I suppose you could say the situation has definitely heightened my sensitivity to time, how it's spent, and who it's spent with. Since Max has graced us with his presence, I feel this dire need to make the most of our time together. I want to fill his life with SO much love and new experiences. I feel like it's my purpose. Selfishly, I want to give him the kind of childhood that I had—one rich with culture and opportunity. But when I really reflect on my past and the reason those memories mean so much to me, I realize it all had very little to do with the activities or the locale (although, they certainly didn't hurt...). Instead, it had EVERYTHING to do with the people that surrounded me.
So while I shot my camera aimlessly last Saturday night in hopes there might be a potential keeper in that batch of blurry snapshots, I was reminded that our current location might not be ideal, but we're together. In the end, that's all that really matters.
Alright, enough with the reflective ramblings on this end. How the heck are YOU?! Do tell. I'm dying to know.
P.S. Oh, and in an effort to shake things up Swell Rio style, we hiked a new trail on Sunday. Would you believe me if I told you that a deer followed us for a good chunk of the hike? Yowzah! Nature girl, I am NOT! Also, I may have twisted Flyboy's arm and talked him in to filming an homage to Toto—much like Dax and Kristen's viral video. You can watch pop and tot's version here. I adore it!