Thursday, August 8, 2019



FEELING: I definitely underestimated the level at which four-year-olds back talk. And since a certain somebody decided to really kick things up a notch this past week with his sassiness, I opted to take away his LEGOS for three days. You guys, what was I thinking? Seriously?? For Maxwell, this stings more than losing any dinosaur or the iPad. When I made the decision on Tuesday morning, little did I know that the consequence would actually affect me the most? I feel like I'm the one who's really suffering right now. It's the one toy he adores and actually plays with for hours on his own! I've been reminded that without LEGOS, he looks to me for nonstop entertainment and I just don't think I'm going to be able to make it all three days. Flyboy keeps encouraging me to stay strong and be more stubborn than our child, but holy cow this is so hard!!! In the future, I'm going to think again before I hide those blissful little bricks.

THANKFUL FOR: Tomorrow I've got a doctor's appointment on base to have my thyroid checked. I know I mentioned hair loss and thinning a few weeks ago, and while I'm fairly certain it's the result of telogen effluvium, thyroid issues do run in my family, so I want to be certain it's not the issue. I want to be as proactive about this as possible.

THINKING ABOUT: As we get closer to Max turning FIVE in October, I feel a sense of urgency to get it all figured out. It being whether or not to have another kid. I've spent a lot of time praying (and crying) about this decision because frankly it feels like a really big one and I haven't the foggiest clue what we should do or what I want to do. For the past 4.5 years, Flyboy and I have been in survival mode with Max. Looking back, I don't think there was ever truly the right time to pull the trigger and add to our brood. Perhaps the parents of multiples who surround us are better at this parenthood gig or stronger than us? I feel confused and conflicted over the matter and envy those who don't struggle with this decision at all. Max will always be Max, but in a lot of ways, life has gotten a little bit easier and more convenient over time. I wonder if we want to do it all over again and what it would look like this time around? Everyone assures me that lightning doesn't strike twice and the second one is usually far different than the first, but I don't know what to think. Just saying that feels kind of selfish, but pregnancy and motherhood weren't all that easy for me—not that they're easy for anyone—but it's taken a while to regain my sense of self after Max entered the picture. My biggest fear about all of this is regret and disappointment. I don't know why I feel the need to make a decision soon, but I do. Variables such as the age gap (this one is a biggie!) and only-child stereotypes run around in my mind and I begin to feel overwhelmed. Time doesn't seem as though it's on our side, and I'm not sure I can really afford to avoid the topic much longer. Goodness, is it really any wonder my hair is falling out like it is? Truthfully, when Max came into our lives back in 2014, I didn't realize that "figuring it all out" would be so hard. When do you get that feeling your family is complete? With Max starting preschool in under a month, it's no secret I'm highly emotional. I know I've got to loosen my mom grip and be open change, but it's a tough pill to swallow when this little guy has been my sole purpose for the past 4.5 years. Life is about to look a little different and that's okay, too. Do I miss all that's gone into the past five years, or do I just miss "baby" Max and I'm scared that he's growing up? Woof! Aren't you glad you're not my brain right now? Ha! She's working overtime, I tell you! 

READING: On a much lighter note, Hilton Carter was at Terrain's Design Sponge Farewell last Friday night and he was just as cool as you might imagine. Naturally, this was enough for me to finally pull the trigger on his book, Wild at Home: How to Style and Care for Your Beautiful Plants. You guys, I'm learning SO much!! I can't wait to share more.

WATCHING: I keep trying to talk Max into going to see The Lion King together, but he insists we see the new Dora the Explorer movie at the theater instead. Gulp! Have you seen the previews? You guys, it looks AWFUL! I can't figure out what it is about the previews that suck him in, but Max genuinely wants to see the film and I don't think I can handle paying to see it and then having to sit there and watch that creepy CGI version of Boots for 102 minutes. You might as well call me Meat Loaf at this point because I would do anything for Max, but I won't do that...

EATING: In case you're in a cooking rut, here are a handful of recipes I've tried or hope to try in the coming weeks:

: I had just taken Maxwell's LEGOS away on Tuesday morning, so my BS meter was at an all-time high when the two of us ventured to Produce Junction for some fresh fruit and flowers. Max seemed to understand that I meant business and was on his best behavior. Hallelujah! Little did I know when we entered the store that an old man would make me roll my eyes instead of my kid. Go figure! The scenario went something like this...
Old Man:
"You know why you should stop wearing your hair in a ponytail?"
"No, why?"
*Immediately starts thinking it has something to do with my thinning hair. How does he know? Ha Ha!
Old Man:
"Because when you lift a pony's tail, you get a horse's ass, and we already have enough of those in this world."
"Sounds like you're an expert on the topic."
*Grabs hydrangeas and avocados and hauls tail out of the store. Maybe he can try that joke on someone else??

: When it comes to pants, you'll either find me in some distressed boyfriend jeans or polka-dot chinos—both are #momsemble musts around here. Thanks to J.Crew, I now have three pairs of the latter and they are indeed my happy pants! Who doesn't love a fresh dose of fun, anyway? The latest version in navy has a flattering fit in comparison to the relaxed version from previous seasons. I adore them all, but there's something about the Vintage Straight Polka-Dot Chino that makes me think they really nailed it this time around. Bravo!

How are you feeling today? What are you up to? Thanks for stopping by!! 

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