Just as Matisse described the act of painting, there's something about blogging that makes me feel gloriously free. I guess it's the rush that comes with meeting a deadline, and keeping content fresh, honest, and fun. I realize that's a bit of a stretch -- this isn't a published glossy, and I've got so much to learn. Here's what I do know...
It's been four years since I graduated from college with a degree in journalism. Each May since graduating, I've found myself sulking. "What have I done with my degree to make myself proud?" You know the drill, because we've been down this road before in previous posts. I won't bore you anymore, but I wanted to share a little secret with you. I finally realized that I spent the first three years post-college trying to dismiss my past and my passion. I let my pride get in the way and never fully dealt with it. I allowed myself to be sad with feelings of defeat and frustration. I compared my master plan with reality. When I found they didn't align perfectly, I decided it couldn't be part of my life. This is so Type-Ashley -- if I can't have all of it, I don't want any of it! Terrible, isn't it? I dismissed one love and got caught up searching for another. What did I learn? Comparison truly is the thief of joy. I never fully let go of my idyllic plan. I compared my blessed life with my clouded vision of a perfect life. I get so mad at myself for being this stubborn; it only took me 4 years to get to this point. Better late than never, right? This year, I feel quite happy and creatively fulfilled. I spend less time wondering about what could have been. My reality is pretty great, especially when I allow myself to just let go. There's a difference between saying you're grateful and blessed and truly believing it. Perhaps this lesson has been the greatest gift blogging has given me.
And thanks to your comments and emails, I know there are plenty of you out there who are in the same boat. The one thing that has brought me the most peace is knowing that I'm not alone in feeling this way. What have I learned over the past year? Give it time and focus on whatever it is that brings you joy -- even if it is a hobby! I guarantee the time you spend doing something that you love will bring you one step closer to being the best version of yourself. Alright, enough of the mid-week therapy sesh. On to a punchy palette -- Matisse to the rescue!
A punchy palette of colors to convey my jubilation:
Mint Green Vespa Stationery / Cabochon & Crystal Bracelet / Neon Skinny Belt / Chateau Marmont Matchbook
"I am in charge of how I feel, and today I am choosing happiness!"
I cannot believe how much this post spoke to me this morning, like booming out of the computer speaking to me! I’m fairly new to your blog, but am an avid daily reader! I get to work at 8:30am and by 8:35am I’m immersed in my “One Fine Day” fix. It’s pathetic but I cannot even begin to function until I get my blog reads in. I too am a journalism major, but don’t hate me - I got my degree from KU! It’s been three years since I graduated, and boy can I relate to the feelings of defeat and frustration. I thought I had a “perfect” plan for my life, and after three years of disappointment I am finally realizing God obviously has a very different plan for me. I’m hoping that this is the year that I stop the comparisons, “just let go” and focus on what brings me joy. SO basically all of this jabbering is trying to say THANK YOU for your mid-week therapy sesh, I so needed it on this hump day! Seriously LOVE your blog, it brings me joy every morning.ReplyDelete
Your comment made me smile for so many reasons. I'm glad the post spoke to you so much. I'll forgive you for being a Jayhawk;) Hang in there! I know there are good days and bad days. At some point, I think you'll come to peace with all of this and you'll feel confident in life's journey.
Thank you for this! Once again..you inspired this girl:) I am forever grateful for you, your blog and what I have found in the journey along with you!!:)ReplyDelete