Tuesday, March 7, 2017


Happy Tuesday, m' dears! Being strong for your child while trying to keep yourself together isn't easy. Flyboy's friend/co-worker generously offered us his toddler's slot at the base daycare center this week while their family is out of town on vacation. I was initially elated at the idea of carving out some time for myself this week to do a little Spring cleaning, get ahead of the blog schedule, and run a few solo errands—all while Max has the opportunity to play with kids his age and adapt to a new environment, schedule, caregivers, etc. When the idea of him going was presented to me, I wasn't entirely sure how many days I planned to take Max, but I'm starting to think we could benefit from an entire week even if it pains me to admit that. Now trust me when I say any sane person reading the last few sentences (and a smattering of blog posts that have been published over the past months/years) would agree a little change could benefit the two of us. This should be a mother's dream!! Riiiiiight?! Sigh. While Max has frequented the daycare center a dozen different times over the past year, the drop off never seems to get any easier and that's the hardest part. In fact, the last time we took him, we were told he stood by the door and cried about 75 percent of the time he was there. Ugh! We're even starting to get the impression from some of the staff that he's the problem child—the one they don't look forward to visiting. Oh, grrrrrrrrreat. You guys, the look on their faces when we arrive is slightly embarrassing. Seriously, it doesn't make this anxious mother and son feel at ease, and the last thing I want to do is leave them with MY screaming mess of a two year old. He's my problem, not theirs. Oy! The older Max gets, the stronger he's become, and he also has the ability to express himself. We try our best to talk about all of the fun stuff that he gets to do when he's there, but our little guy continues to hearken back on his last visit and tell us about how he cried and waited for his daddy to come back. Gah! You can only imagine how peeling him out of his car seat yesterday morning when we arrived while trying to maintain a calm and positive composure as he screamed "NO CDC!! WE GO H-E-B, MA! PLEEEEEEEASE! PLEEEEEEEASE!" is not as simple as I hoped. Avoiding situations like this isn't going to make things any easier (Hello, kindergarten!) and I realize that all of the time we've spent together since he was born has made me more of a problem than a solution. Sometimes that is a tough pill to swallow when you know it was never your intention. I'm clearly just in the beginning stages of searching for the right balance—encouraging new experiences while trying to hold on for dear life and cling to what's comfortable or feels easy. With all that lies ahead and the lessons to be learned, one thing's for sure—motherhood isn't for wimps.

Now excuse me while I go clean ALL the closets and rid myself of any guilt I experienced earlier. 
We all know it will only be hours before I'm Maxed out again and again.

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