Thursday, September 29, 2011

Stream of Thoughts

On my mind this Thursday morning...
Disclaimer: Please excuse the banter between first- and second-person point of view. My use of pronouns can make the following thoughts a little confusing. Somewhere Professor Rowe is cringing inside. Listen, I said I enjoy grammar. I never said I was great at it.
I often joke that I came out of the womb a 40-year-old woman.
This is exactly the piece of advice I was hoping to hear after almost 26 years.
Just 14 years to go until I finally match my mental age. Ha Ha!


I should buy some more skirts. I think that's the only way it's going to feel like Fall around here.
That and cardigans, of course.

Throw on a colorful pair of flats to add a splash of instant optimism and cheerfulness.
Yeah, you better go put on a pair of colorful flats.
  • Mom's words keep running through my mind: "You will spend your 20s trying to figure out your place in this world."
  • Why is she always so right? Arrrgh... Now I get to publicly admit another win for mommy dearest.
  • Why does that keep playing in my mind? Stop it, YOU!
  • I've spent the better part of this week wondering about my life and my purpose. No need to fret, this isn't the first time I've looked inward. I'm more narcissistic than that...
  • I'm trying to stay positive, but I really hate being patient. Surprise, surprise!
  • This is what happens when I have time to myself to think too much. I really should have opened up a vessel of my favorite sauce Sunday night and put an end to all this over thinking. Thanks for not stepping up, Gin...
  • But seriously, stop pouting already! It isn't pretty. Oh and not to mention, you sound like an alchy.
  • Bare with me, peeps. I realize you've come to expect a post like this every so often. If we haven't met yet, this is the Daria side of Type-A(shley). Nice to meet you!
  • Note to Self: Your timeline doesn't always correspond with God's big plan. Get over it. And while you're at it, stop worrying and live in this moment.
  • What's the culprit to all of this doubt, negativity, and fear? Ladies and gents, meet my dear friend, Ego.
  • Yup, my ego has taken center stage yet again.
  • Yes, you're unemployed. No, you don't work at a fancy magazine or a predictable desk job with folders and a label maker (organizational nirvana). 
  • Life may not be the party you hoped it might be, but dance anyway. Right? 
  • You are blessed. You're healthy. You've got a husband and family who love you tremendously. Get over yourself.
  • Would a full-time job make life that much sweeter? Is it practical? 
  • Patience, my friend.
  • I want to be one of those wives that can openly state she's willing to put her "career" aside for her husband. I envy their honesty and selflessness.
  • With all that you've been given, why would telling someone you work somewhere full-time bring you so much joy?
  • I dunno, I guess I'm just tired of looking like a bum. I want to make myself proud. I'm a hard worker and a true busy body. I'm an asset to any work place. I want a reason to chant TGIF at the end of the week like that silly Katy Perry song.
  •  To be completely honest, I watch Flyboy work his tail off. The stress and joy of his job bring fulfillment. It's molding him into this amazingly wonderful person. It's so fun to watch someone change and grow. 
  • My parents epitomize what it means to be hard workers. I've witnessed their work ethic and tenacity for years. I want to do the same. 
  • Not to sound too preachy, I just want a reason to feel like I deserve what God's given me. I've been blessed far more than I deserve.
  • Patience is what I'm here to learn right now. It doesn't come easy. 
  • For now, I'll continue to count my blessings. Because a year from now, I'll probably look back and wish I could have slapped some sense into myself and say, "See, Negative Nancy, all that worrying was for nothing! When will you ever learn?"
  • Subbing will come eventually -- if the DOE ever processes my paperwork. Work on getting Part II of your shots on Friday and focus on the NOW. Remind yourself that things around here operate on Hawaiian time. It's jus' laid back, brah!
  • Now call your mother and thank her for her advice, and set your DVR for Ellen at 3 pm. You're going to need to dance it out. 

I assure you, sunnier skies are ahead. I try to keep my blog cheerful, humorous, and bright, but these thoughts have consumed me for the past few days. I felt like it was interfering with my creative and fun side. Now we can't have that, can we? One thing I've learned over the past few months is that we're a lot more alike than I ever thought. I'm always surprised by how much I'm learning (or continuing to learn) about each and every one of you. How do you deal with your ego? How do you keep on the sunny side and make sense of what's going on now?

Happy Thursday!
Toodles,
ANF

P.S. Don't take my Amazon Eames knock-off advice. The new chairs are being returned and were used for a photo op only. Bummahz! The screws weren't threaded correctly, and the back right leg of each chair wouldn't screw in completely. Shall we try another vendor? Or invest in the real deal? Decisions, decisions. It's almost as though this ugly pleather desk chair and I just can't part ways. Geesh!
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4 comments:

Staley Mc said...

I definitely agree with your mom's words. It's so frustrating not really knowing what to do, I've felt like that a lot lately. I just try to stay positive and it's usually blogging that helps me do that!

Shannon K said...

Oh my dear Ashley! Been there! The past two/three years of my life were lived EXACTLY where your thoughts are consuming you right now! There is light at the end of the tunnel... and learning patience isn't necessarily fun! As I read your post today, I just kept thinking, "That's EXACTLY what I said..." I still have those days. Just keep doing what inspires you and know that God's at work with the plan behind the scenes for this time... they will come to the foreground in time! PROMISE! Love you dear!

Kristin said...

You and I are so much in the same boat, it's bananas. I graduated from Mizzou's J-school in 2008. Trying to find my way and my place after college has been the biggest challenge I've ever faced. Most of the time I don't admit that to people, because everyone seems so competitive! Especially when it comes to careers. I decided to pursue teaching certification in 2010. I'll complete my student teaching this Spring. I'm happy for the detour (teaching), once I finally get there (assuming there are ANY teaching jobs available), but I know my writing/designing/editing days are not over.
I wish you lots of luck in finding your place, too. For what it's worth, your blog is lovely and you have the best taste. You should be a taste-maker. I'm not entirely sure what that entails, but it sounds right. Hope you have a good day!

Ashley Fine said...

Staley, Shannon & Kristin -
Thanks for making my day with your sweet comments. Above all, thanks for taking the time to write something and share with me! It means a lot.

It's nice to know someone else has been there or felt similarly. I know one day it will be clear and make tons of sense. That's why you've got to be patient, right? Ha ha! I try not to think about this stuff too much, but some times I over think things and it consumes me. It's not healthy, and I guess this was my way of getting it off my chest:) I promise to give you all a heads up the next time I invite you to my pity part-ay!!

I'm so happy that you all were able to face these challenges head on and you're willing to share it with me. You've found something that fills your time and makes you proud. You guys inspire me! I appreciate your enthusiasm, input, and continued support.

Who knew starting a blog would give me some of the greatest cheerleaders??

Thanks again, ladies!!

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